PRO as drunk.

Posted on November 19, 2008 by chrisbloome

First, let me apologize to Chase for promising arm warmers for Sunday’s horrible hundred, and then sleeping through all 5 of my alarms. You see, this is the thing: all day at work, I intended to go to the race in the morning. I went as far to buy knee warmers and $12 worth of Powerbars and Powergells (trust me, with a discount, that is a lot of food). I even told customers to look for me in my green and yellow kit on a white and gold bike. Everything was good to go until around 4:45 one of my coworkers dropped the “Hey Chris, we all going to the Tampa Pitcher show after this if you wanna see the new Bond movie.”

Of all the actors to play James Bond, Daniel Craig is my favorite. This is partly because, me with my father’s blonde hair and mother’s father’s receding-hair-line-potential, I can’t help but feel that I might somehow look like that when I am 40 if I start working out now. I mean, I admittedly don’t think I have the potential to survive a fall from an airplane or save Bolivia’s water supply (was that the movie was about?) or even shoot a gun, but a boy can dream right?

The thing about double “O” agents and actors and people with muscles and pro cyclists is that they while we (read: “I”) imagine them to be complete balanced people, they in all probability have sacrificed a fairly large amount of their day to day existence in order to achieve these goals. I mean, i don’t really know how much time Daniel Craig spends in the gym or in acting class, but he probably doesn’t end his night at Dunderbox, and as he has made the necessary sacrifices, he now gets paid a pretty penny to keep up the good work. The same goes with cyclists, the more immersed I find myself in this sport, the bigger the gap seems to get between me and the front of the peloton.

I am not what most think of when they think of a “fast” cyclist. I have, however, been in many a thinning peloton. Because I am a dreamer at heart, I spend a lot of time in the saddle distracting myself with views of the landscape, once the land gets boring, I look to see what kind of bikes everyone is riding. Once I have found that one steel Pegoretti and carbon Orbea, I then often judge the rider. “Are they worthy of this machine?” “How strong do they look?” “Their legs aren’t even shaved!” “Iis today I will drop the man on the $8000 bike?”

The one thing I have noticed, and have since been investigating, is the difference between the man and the machines on my weekend group rides. Take a look around the peloton at different stages of your next Greco ride. The group is huge in the 10 minute warm-up. About half way through, some guys in “Simon Says” jerseys take off, but they are doing their own thing, so everyone lets them go. Then there is that turn, and that first hill. It is here the true observations begin. Those who are destined for the chase group wrap their white knuckles around their drops and use up any excess glycogen, dooming themselves to ride on borrowed legs for that one extra mile in the pack. Those who know they will be pushing the pace all through Thonotosassa look a lot calmer, and don’t even seem to notice the pace increases. Everyone else is either falls somewhere between these extremes, or has already dropped, not even attempting to stay with the group.

Upon further observation, everyone can be classified in one of two camps, “the average joes” and “the PROS.” (thank you www.Belgiumkneewarmers.com for the unapproved use of the word PRO, you have the best blog in the world) In case you have never paid attention to the details of the riders around you, the “PROs” are the ones in the pristine kits, white bar tape and carbon wheels. If you want to really see their PROness, look for signs of wear on the saddle, scares on the knees (from crashing, not shaving) and the wear on the hoods of their shifters.]

This is not to say that the PROS will forever dominate the ride. You see, what distinguishes the PROS form the JOES has actually little to do with speed. The average Joes have their fast guys too, and I opt to call them “hardmen.” These are the guys who have ridden the same aluminum frame with Tiagra components for 10 thousand consecutive miles because they have yet to have a problem with it. A hardman may avoid shaving their legs, unless it is for their safety in Crit season, and they would rather die than claim they like the way their hairless legs feel. These guys are the ones who show up to ride even when the weather drops below 40 degrees, and do so in only knee warmers. Think Belgium 1990, Paris Roubaix, cyclocross season, Daniel Craig.

In my opinion, there exists one major distinction between a PRO and a joe, and that transcends anything that can be proven on a group ride. It has to do with dedication. If I may use myself as an example, I sometimes feel I can hold onto a peloton when I am in more pain than some of those around me, that I can push myself beyond where others are willing to push. When it comes to my personal dedication, once a ride has started, there are few who can surpass it. But I am now to a point where things outside of the ride itself need to change if I want to get better. You see (dammit, i used that transition twice in one blog), I missed the horrible hundred because I was out drinking the night before. Now, I have somewhat mastered the art of the hungover bike ride, and while, I feel that even on 4 hours of sleep, I may have had another sub 5 hour ride, and that in and of itself would have been an improvement over the 0 hour ride I had instead. But, I have decided that if I want to really improve, I need to cut out (some of) the beer, and staying up late, and Mi-Ma’s Alaskan tacos, and little Ceasers pizza, and 7-11 Kiamichi flavored ramen noodles I pollute myself with on a weekly basis.

Now, I probably won’t come out of this looking like Jimmy Page or Antony Astrab. I do however, hope to be a couple watts stronger, to ride further and faster, maybe loose a couple pounds. Tom Boonon is 6′4″ - 180lbs, Rock racing’s Rahsaan Bahati is 6′1″ - 158 lbs, these numbers are achievable if I only started eating right, and took the plunge into full fledged PRO attitude.

This is not to say I am going to give up my status of “Hardman.” If any of you ever catch me shaving my arms or hear me say that “my shaved legs feel AWESOMe when I am lying between my blankets on a cold night” please shoot me. It’s just, those Belgian riders are fast, and only PROS race in the Paris Roubaix (and in Collegiate nationals), and for all of you guys on $8000 Pigorottis, watch out.

Now is the time to get out of bed and get faster. I challenge all of you to join me.

ps. check out www.belgumkneewarmers.com

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